Today I said in a group "I need a detox from life." Someone asked if I was ok and I said no, and blurted out a bunch of shit about previous struggles, current bullshit on planet earth, depression and surviving a suicide attempt 10 years ago, feeling brain fog, etc. like those times, etc. Yeah.. I know. TMI. But. RIGHT AFTER I did that, I see this meme.
It just made me cry which was the catharsis I needed. And I got a nice long hug from my husband.
Anyway, there was a discussion in the group about venting and screaming at god, etc. Which reminded me of a time before when I had screamed at god and had something very surreal happen..
I used to deliver mail back when I was going through a very bad divorce. Life was just getting to me hard. I was basically having a screaming fest with God while I was delivering. I was saying things like:
When will I have my day in the sun?
When will I be loved?
When will I be happy?
So I let all kinds of stuff out then stopped at this mailbox. (Local associate pastor's house) Sat there for a minute. Wiped my eyes & let out a big exhale. Opened the mailbox door and there was a note in there. All I could see at first was the outside. it said “thank you for the mail” .. obviously kid writing. Then I open it up and see the sun, hearts and crosses. Then I broke down again! Hah! Thought I was dreaming.
So if that wasn’t crazy enough, a couple years went by and I decided to watch the live stream since I had not been to church or listened to a service in a long while...
The associate pastor was speaking that day which was rare. So I'm sitting there drinking my coffee and all of a sudden he starts talking about ME (not by name)...... and this day in 2010 when his child left this for me in their mailbox. She said it HAD to go in the mailbox that day. I happened to be subbing on the route. I had known that the box was that pastor’s house but I didn’t know he had even known about what had happened, yet here he was telling the story. Guess one of my fb friends had relayed it to him.
My beliefs have changed, and I've said "god" / "the universe" / whatever you want to call it can speak to you in whatever method you need.