Venting at God... again.

Today I said in a group "I need a detox from life." Someone asked if I was ok and I said no, and blurted out a bunch of shit about previous struggles, current bullshit on planet earth, depression and surviving a suicide attempt 10 years ago, feeling brain fog, etc. like those times, etc.  Yeah.. I know. TMI. But. RIGHT AFTER I did that, I see this meme.

It just made me cry which was the catharsis I needed. And I got a nice long hug from my husband.

Anyway, there was a discussion in the group about venting and screaming at god, etc. Which reminded me of a time before when I had screamed at god and had something very surreal happen..

I used to deliver mail back when I was going through a very bad divorce. Life was just getting to me hard. I was basically having a screaming fest with God while I was delivering. I was saying things like:

When will I have my day in the sun?

When will I be loved?

When will I be happy?

So I let all kinds of stuff out then stopped at this mailbox. (Local associate pastor's house) Sat there for a minute. Wiped my eyes & let out a big exhale. Opened the mailbox door and there was a note in there. All I could see at first was the outside. it said “thank you for the mail” .. obviously kid writing. Then I open it up and see the sun, hearts and crosses. Then I broke down again! Hah! Thought I was dreaming. 

So if that wasn’t crazy enough, a couple years went by and I decided to watch the live stream since I had not been to church or listened to a service in a long while...

The associate pastor was speaking that day which was rare. So I'm sitting there drinking my coffee and all of a sudden he starts talking about ME (not by name)...... and this day in 2010 when his child left this for me in their mailbox.  She said it HAD to go in the mailbox that day. I happened to be subbing on the route. I had known that the box was that pastor’s house but I didn’t know he had even known about what had happened, yet here he was telling the story. Guess one of my fb friends had relayed it to him.

My beliefs have changed, and I've said "god" / "the universe" / whatever you want to call it can speak to you in whatever method you need.

Collection of Random Thoughts on Religion

Random thoughts I've had regarding religion over the past few years...

Will come back and update as I find more.

*****

July 12, 2018

The abrahamic religions and their “sacred texts” are the biggest black magick spell ever perpetrated on humanity.... as is any ideology which says it cannot be questioned!

You don’t need a book to know that it’s wrong to harm others. It is recorded in those books that people knew/walked with “God” and knew how to live righteously in times before the words were committed to paper!

There are many people who follow these religions and their texts who are still in fact shitty people and actually justify their actions with the texts! They completely ignore or make excuses for the disgusting passages contained within. 

The “sacred texts” are idols of paper.... contradictory, bi-polar ones at that.... no wonder the world is so fucked.

Spiritual Awakening and the Fool

What is “spiritual awakening?”

[my assessment]

Seeing through some bullshit, then realizing it’s pretty much all bullshit!

Having your mind turned inside out and realizing you’re cohabitating a realm with schizophrenic psychopaths... but don’t worry, you’re a little schizo yourself!

You go through phases of wanting to “wake people up” or expose things until you realize that most everyone doesn’t give a shit. At first this irritates the shit out of you, then you can’t blame them. 

At each toll point you think you’ve got the truth, until you dig a little deeper and poke holes in that too. You finally realize you’re dealing with primarily lies. Lies on top of lies. You’re basically choosing one person’s words and ideas over another which are, for the most part, impossible to prove. 

It becomes impossible to tell who are the “good guys.” You may just be a “useful idiot” yourself, helping along the system you think you’re tearing down. You don’t know if you’re better off than when you were asleep.

Welcome to the fool’s journey.

You start out in ignorant bliss, then you end up knowing that nobody (including yourself) knows anything.

Absurdism and pragmatism are my current coordinates.

Magick...

What is magick?

I feel like “magick” is not exactly what people think it is. I think it’s basically “manipulation” and that word does not necessarily mean in a bad way. It means “skillful handling.” Manipulation of energy, especially with words and imagery... various forms of communication. Some of it is about programming your subconscious mind in various ways, power of intention to cause change... and of course it can be used to change others as well... some people use some extreme measures that I myself do not personally agree with. I would say that everyone is doing “magick” whether they realize it or not. A lot of Christian stuff is “magick” by another name and they are just oblivious. A quote I now find to be true: “religion is magick for the masses, magick is religion for the individual.” By studying these things you can see how and when people are manipulating you or others for good or ill plain as day... and maybe become aware of how you were doing things you didn’t even realize. —

I listened to a review of the GOT tarot and the person said Little Finger as the magician didn’t make sense. The way I view it, it’s perfect. He was a “skillful handler” for sure. The magician card is associated with Mercury and Mercury is also associated with the little finger of the hand.